So, I see where Bruce Almighty raked it in at the box office this weekend and I realize, in a split second of crystal clarity, that I hate Jim Carrey.

No, wait.

Let me more precise.

I fucking hate Jim motherfucking Carrey.

With italics and bolding, goddamnit.

~~~

I do not know Jim Carrey, and the likelihood is that I will never meet him. It's possible that Jim Carrey loves his grandmother and is kind to stray cats. I do not care, because I have an irrational hatred of this putz that burns so brightly that you could read by it (my wife does, sometimes).

I do not think Jim Carrey is funny. I do not think Jim Carrey is a comic genius. I do not think Jim Carrey is praiseworthy. I do not like him, Sam I Am.

I find Jim Carrey to be a pretentious little twerp who thinks that if he's loud enough and obnoxious enough, you'll laugh at his churlish antics and pay attention to him, which is all he wants anyway, since his behavior is comparable to that of my six year old son when he's (my son, that is) been cooped up inside all day, eaten 4 candy bars and drunk seven glasses of fruit punch and is now bouncing off the walls. Jim Carrey is like a mosquito that won't quit.

I can understand that he's upset that nobody gives a shit about his desire to be considered a serious actor, but that's life, dude. Get over yourself and stop torturing us with your mincing around and exaggerated gesturing and braying voice and whatever other bullshit you throw at the wall to see if it sticks.

I didn't think he was funny when he talked out of his ass. I didn't think it was funny when he showed up at the MTV Movie Awards all incognito in that beard and sunglasses, lounging and smoking in his seat like some deranged hippie poseur. I don't think Jim Carrey is funny. I think he's smarmy and condescending and self-aggrandizing and deluded and overrated to the Nth degree.

Obviously, there are a lot of people out there who disagree with me, since Jim Carrey gets dumptrucks full of money to make a movie. Just as obviously, those people don't have a clue, because Jim Carrey sucks.

Posted by mikeski at 2:00 p.m.