Information? Please!
Monday, Apr. 07, 2003

Our long national nightmare is over, in that I have a new job. Don't worry, I'm still a blood-sucking lawyer, but I've managed to convince some of my evil brethren (and sistren) to allow me to help them continue Satan's work. The bonus is that I arranged it so that I don't start the new gig until the 21st, so I'll be coming to you from World Mikeski Headquarters until then.


War is most definitely serious business, but I must admit that I'm grateful for the comedy relief provided daily by Iraqi (Dis)Information Minister al-Sahaf, who last Wednesday claimed, with a straight (and indeed, highly indignant) face, that pencils given to Iraqi citizens by American and British forces were, get this, booby-trapped.

Dude. Deadly pencils? Come on. You can't even get eventual lead poisoning from pencils anymore.

This guy's also told us that the Iraqis still controlled Baghdad's airport - that coalition forces had, in fact, been "slaughtered out of the airport" - approximately 20 minutes before we landed our first C-130 transport there, and stood in the street in Baghdad this morning denying U.S. advances into the city even as said advance continued. I look forward to his announcements that everything being broadcast by evil, hegemonic Western TV is a fake and that we're staging the whole thing in New Mexico (just like, he'll be sure to say, the moon landing) and that - this one will come about 5 minutes prior to the Iraqi surrender - Iraqi forces under the great and glorious and non-asshatted leadership of Maximum Saddy (who is definitely not dead, nope) are preparing to complete their conquest of Washington, D.C. I'm surprised that we haven't heard about the successful plan to destroy all of our Cruise missiles by intercepting them with Presidential Palaces.


It's April freaking 7th and I'm watching the snow pile up outside. We're supposed to get 6 to 9 inches before it's over. Look, I love snow as much as anyone (i.e., check the "ski" in "mikeski"), but this is ridiculous. April is warmer temperatures, a few days where you don't need a jacket for the first time since, like, September, and baseball. Seriously. I've had enough of this shit, and I'm tired of shoveling it, too.

Posted by mikeski at 3:51 p.m.