Take this job and...give it to me. Please?
Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2003

All of my professional life reduced to one sheet of paper. Jesus, how depressing.

~~~

I speak, of course, of the dreaded Résumé.

And it has to be on one sheet of paper, because potential employers are much too busy to flip over onto another whole page. They have to be able to assess and judge you within 5, 10, 15 seconds or they'll just conclude right away that your services are not required, thankyouverymuch.

So, there it is. The last 22 years (from the beginning of college up until...right...now) of my existence, as far as the legal profession is concerned. And that, sadly, is all that's supposed to matter.

I mean, I understand how it goes...qualifications, experience, etc. But what's frustrating is that I can't put the stuff that will really help me out on a sheet of paper. Like that, if you hire me, you'll get a guy who's a good lawyer - not great, maybe, but good, a quick study, willing to work pretty hard - but who's also a team player, somebody who's not necessarily going to be angling for your job, Mr. Managing Partner, from the moment he walks in the door.

Somebody who knows a shitload of pop culture trivia, which comes in surprisingly handy, you'd be surprised.

Somebody who can, I've been told, be pretty funny most of the time, which has value in an office, doesn't it?

Somebody who isn't (I hope) a walking caricature of a lawyer: self-aggrandizing, arrogant, egocentric. I'd like to think that part of this is having done some time as a stay-at-home Dad, which is, too put it mildly, a humbling, overwhelming, tremendously fantastic experience, but which you won't know about from that piece of paper.

Damn, I'm just the best, aren't I? Sorry about that, it's just that looking for a job really brings you down, doesn't it? It's all about taking stock and self-examination and "what do I want to do when I grow up?" and dude, I'm almost forty and while I'm not regretful, sometimes, late at night, I consider choices I've made, and not made, and wonder...

~~~

Ah, whatever.

"I'm writing in response to your ad..."

Posted by mikeski at 3:38 p.m.